I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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