How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
