She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
