we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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