im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize