Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Found the puke drawer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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