It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize