Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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