I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
