Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
