you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
