im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
