In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
