so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
