i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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