I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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