I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
