An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
