does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
