Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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