Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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