i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
