i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need moral support for this bender
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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