sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
