i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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