no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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