you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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