Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
