ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm like, not good at living.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
