just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
