Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
