I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
