i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
