What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
