I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
