his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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