Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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