My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still have a little drunk in my system
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
