chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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