in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
