Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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