i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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