Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
