her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
