is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
