if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
