everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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