When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
