3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
