So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
