I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This house was built for laser tag.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
