I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
