I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
