I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize