His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
