you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
