I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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