hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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