Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
