Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
