He asked to "fluff my boner.."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
