Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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