Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
