oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
